This time we’re going to try out a seasonal shift in the renga. We start out with the season we’re in and continue as normal (with or without referencing seasons or seasonal words) for a few verses before we go on to the next season. In a twelve verse renga we’ll change seasons after about three verses, but it’s not a hard and fast rule. There are a few more details here if you’re interested.
This time we have Barb to thank for our hokku. You should have a pretty good idea how this works now, so have at it!
gray skies blanket the earth
like a large cozy quilt–
rain sings it’s lullaby on the awnings
patchwork leaves drift earthbound
laden with glistening droplets
swish and crunch
leaves
beneath my feet
scatter like snowflakes
blown before the wind
eddies of swirling snow
blowing like whispers
of forgotten dreams
listen closely!
your dreams will be remembered
hear them trickling back–
once frozen memories
flow in sunlight now
sunlight on the Earth’s face
time to wake up
basking in the warmth
dormant hope rouses
and reaches to the sky
hope grows into laughter
bouncing like a beach ball
rainbow beach ball
blue, blue sky
colors of a child’s delight
summer rain and splashing puddles
call me outside to play
19 responses so far ↓
1
Adiel
// Oct 18, 2006 at 9:00 am
patchwork leaves drift earthbound
laden with glistening droplets
2
Gabrielle
// Oct 19, 2006 at 9:18 am
Swish and crunch
Leaves
Beneath my feet
3
Seth Ben-Ezra
// Oct 19, 2006 at 1:28 pm
scatter like snowflakes
blown before the wind
4
Adiel
// Oct 20, 2006 at 11:51 am
eddies of swirling snow
blowing like whispers
of forgotten dreams
5
Barb
// Oct 22, 2006 at 4:18 pm
listen closely!
your dreams will be remembered.
6
Raquel
// Oct 23, 2006 at 11:12 am
hear them trickling back–
once frozen memories
flow in sunlight now
Argh! This should work a whole lot beter than it does, but I’m going to limit myself to six drafts of this particular haiku. Really cool ideas are so annoying when you don’t quite have the talent to make them work…
7
Gabrielle
// Oct 24, 2006 at 9:12 am
Sunlight on the Earth’s face
Time to wake up
8
Barb
// Oct 24, 2006 at 9:34 pm
basking in the warmth
dormant hope rouses
and reaches to the sky
9
Adiel
// Oct 25, 2006 at 8:37 am
I just wanted to say to everyone that I’m really enjoying this renga. The seasonal thing is really spiffy and adds a great new dimension.
Raquel,
I think your haiku turned out well, though I understand the frustration you’re talking about.
10
Raquel
// Oct 25, 2006 at 10:04 am
I suppose I should know by now that I can only sort of judge my own writing–especially when I’ve just finished it. It still seems like it could have been a whole lot cooler.
I’m liking the seasonal change, too. I don’t know yet if I want to make it a permanent addition, but I definitely want to use it again.
11
Adiel
// Oct 26, 2006 at 12:28 pm
hope grows into laughter
bouncing like a beach ball
If this one is too goofy you don’t have to add it. The image just made me smile and think of summer.
12
Gabrielle
// Nov 2, 2006 at 10:56 am
A rainbow beach ball
A blue, blue sky
Colors of a child’s delight
13
Adiel
// Nov 2, 2006 at 7:47 pm
Gaby,
I love this last verse! Tiny suggestion: would it sound better without the “A’s”?
14
Gabrielle
// Nov 3, 2006 at 10:32 pm
Adiel,
Thanks. I’m really glad you liked this one. I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not, but I wanted to keep participating so I thought I’d post it anyway.
You’re right about the A’s. I asked Raquel to edit it for me.
15
Barb
// Nov 12, 2006 at 10:31 pm
Ok, folks. We need one more verse to complete this thing. Since I began it, I don’t think I should end it (besides, I’m experiencing writers’ block). We need to THINK. Two lines on summer should not be this hard.
16
Adiel
// Nov 15, 2006 at 1:57 pm
How about:
summer rain and splashing puddles
call me outside to play
OR
summer puddles and rainbow sky
call me outside to play
You all can pick which one.
17
Raquel
// Nov 25, 2006 at 9:54 pm
I was actually really liking the ‘rainbow’ tie-in (notice how I avoided saying ‘rainbow connection’?), but I admit that popular consensus (all two voters, at least) is correct about the flow of first one being better. (Has anyone else noticed that when I get tired I use a lot of parentheses?)
18
Adiel
// Nov 28, 2006 at 1:20 pm
Raquel, I’m glad you posted that one. I didn’t care so much for the rainbow one, but I was trying to be good and make it tie-in well with the preceding verse. The summer rain one does tie-in with the very first haiku, though.
19
Barb
// Nov 28, 2006 at 6:19 pm
(I) (voted) (for) (puddles), (but) (I)(really) (liked)(your) (Rainbow) (Connection) (comment)!
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