I’m bumping this renga up to a sixteen verse length. This might make it too long, but I decided I’d like to play around with allowing more time for themes to expand. We’ll see how it goes!
Adiel contributed this beginning verse:
wide eyes
small hands
in a big world
innocence
a beautiful shine
the glowing embers
cast before
the gathered storm
winds of change blow
fan the flames
shifting seasons
carry us
where?
the ocean speaks
but gives no answer
questions
answers
all just sand
through the hourglass
whispering as it falls
listen
whispering time
sliding through my fingers
gone, gone
but not often missed
staring at photographs
distant smiling faces
almost forgotten
snapshots of lives and souls
captured in images
19 responses so far ↓
1
Gabrielle
// Jan 24, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Innocence
A beautiful shine
2
Seth Ben-Ezra
// Jan 24, 2008 at 5:29 pm
the glowing embers
cast before
the gathered storm
3
Raquel
// Jan 28, 2008 at 6:25 pm
winds of change blow
fan the flames
4
Adiel
// Jan 30, 2008 at 3:37 pm
shifting seasons
carry us
where?
5
Seth Ben-Ezra
// Jan 30, 2008 at 5:03 pm
the ocean speaks
but gives no answer
6
Gabrielle
// Feb 1, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Questions
Answers
All just sand
7
Adiel
// Feb 2, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Gaby,
I really, really like that one.
8
Adiel
// Feb 4, 2008 at 12:06 pm
whispers as it falls
through the hourglass
I’m not entirely sure this is how I want to say this. Any suggestions?
9
Raquel
// Feb 4, 2008 at 12:30 pm
If it were me I’d probably just tweak it to:
whispering as it falls
through the hourglass
That has a good flow from the line before, though maybe the syllable change would make it less punchy? Anyone else have an opinion?
I really like that twist on the sand by the way–I would have never thought of that…
10
Gabrielle
// Feb 6, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Adiel, thanks.
I might actually reverse the lines-
through the hourglass
whispering as it falls
11
Adiel
// Feb 7, 2008 at 10:17 am
I like the addition and reversal. Thanks for your help!
12
Gabrielle
// Feb 12, 2008 at 9:45 am
Listen
Sand hits sand
So goes the day
13
Gabrielle
// Feb 12, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Um it was brought to my attention that I’m not supposed to be mentioning sand again. My bad. So-
Listen
Whispering time
Sliding through my fingers
14
Gabrielle
// Feb 25, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I really don’t want to do two in a row, but since no one else is writing anything-
Gone, gone
But not often missed
15
Raquel
// Feb 26, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Ack! Sorry, I’ve kind of let this slip with other things going on. I’ll try to do better. We’re past the halfway mark now!
16
Adiel
// Feb 27, 2008 at 7:00 am
staring at photographs
distant smiling faces
almost forgotten
17
Adiel
// Mar 20, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Well, I guess I’ll have to break the two-in-a-row rule again.
snapshots of lives and souls
captured in images
18
Adiel
// Aug 4, 2008 at 8:54 pm
at the beginning
a good idea
now it’s dead
Does that about sum it up? ;o)
19
Raquel
// Aug 11, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Um, yeah…
I have been hoping to get back to this eventually, but is hasn’t happened. Sigh.
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